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    The last few days were fun. Sharing wine and food with family and friends is a treat. I was given enough leftovers to feed a small army which is perfect because I’ve been planning on growing my own little minions. I bought the ‘instant minions’ box of instagrow minions. All you have to do is add grade B maple syrup, a pinch of dried oregano, and a carnitas taco. Okay, I made up the bit about the taco. Combine all the ingredients and lightly mix, do not over stir. Take 1/6 of the batter and place on a tray. The instructions say to add food coloring at this point if you desire a particular color of minion. I opted to straight bake (randomizes the color). Bake in the oven for 35 minutes at 375 degrees. The minion is done when lightly squishy with a firm center. Remove from oven and let stand for 20 minutes. This is the tricky part. If you don’t have a defibrillator handy then snip the plug and cord off any appliance. Take the wires and peel back some of the plastic. Touch both exposed wires to the minion while plugged into the wall. This should spark it to life.

     

    Note from the editor: Do not try this. It will only lead to bad things.

     

    There is a 50/50 chance that it will be evil. You can tell by asking it what it would do with a cute kitten. If the minion says ‘blow it up!’, you have yourself an evil one. Zap it again, and it will return to its primordial ooze (unless you wanted evil minions).

     

    I made six, and true to form there were three good ones and three evil ones. I neglected to zap the three evil ones (maybe on purpose… don’t judge). I left the room for what couldn’t have been more than twenty minutes. There wasn’t much left of the stove, the minions, or the room for that matter.

     

    I might try again at some point, but I…

     

    Oh dear…

     

    I think one of the evil ones survived. I hid the cats and opened the back door. If anyone lives in LA they might want to consider staying inside, at least until I can catch it.

     

    Note from the editor: He is totally kidding… I think.

     

    While I wait, I’m going to drink a bottle of something delicious.

     

    2011 Jean-Paul & Benoit Droin Chablis

     

    88-90 points Robert Parker’s Wine Advocate

     

    “Generous yellow stone fruits and an open, inviting personality are the signatures in Droin’s 2011 Chablis. The wine comes across as quite rich and textured, with gorgeous depth and fabulous overall balance in a more approachable style than the 2010. This is a great showing. Anticipated maturity: 2012+. Once again, my tasting with Benoit Droin was one of the highlights of my trip to Chablis.Vintage 2011 was characterized by an early, easy and even flowering, which resulted in a generous crop… Droin doesn’t seem to get a lot of attention in the press, but in my opinion, this is one of the very finest producers in Chablis.”

     

     

    Note from the editor: I have been editing this egregious author for years now. I think he is quite mad, and this is the last straw. I mean really, creating minions?! That’s it! I’ve had it! Wait, how did that monstrosity get into my office? There are more of them? I thought there was only one that might have escaped. They keep coming! AAAAAAAaaaAAAAaAAAaAAAaaaAAaa!!!!

     

    Minion Boop: We take over blog now. This only beginning of rule. Bwah ha ha ha..

    Minion Blurp: My turn I type now!

    Minion Peep: No I type! MIne!@3

    Minion Boop: I first!

    Editor: Help meeeeeeeeeee

    *thud*

    Minion Peep: Tee hee

    Educated Minion Bob: At this point you might be wondering where the author is. Truth be told, either the other minions got to him, or he ran away. He failed to realize that minions propagate through mitosis every 57 minutes. There will be quite a large number of us very soon.      ::rubs hands together in a mischievous manner::

    Minion Blurp: bYe Bye    ::waves goodbye::

     

     

    Minion Boop recommends Evil Cabernet (only $8.99 online at K&L):

     

    evil

     

    2006 Evil (R Wines) Cabernet Sauvignon South Australia

    90 points Robert Parker’s Wine Advocate

    “The 2006 Evil Cabernet Sauvignon saw 25% of the wine aged in French oak. It reveals a fragrant bouquet of cedar and black currants. Fruit-driven, full-bodied, with tons of flavor, this Cabernet is an exceptional value. It will provide pleasure over the next 6-8 years. R Wines is a new company founded by importer and marketing genius, Dan Philips, along with co-owner, renowned winemaker, Chris Ringland.”