This question was asked of me a while back, and just for (explicative) and giggles I decided to answer

I guess it could be a two parter. One way of thinking would be which varietal is typically vinified with the highest alcohol percentage thereby getting you both drunk enough to overcome social anxieties, or make you forget your initial displeasure of said other person.

In that case I would go with Syrah. Its often fermented to sixteen percent alcohol by volume, or more in California, but has so much black fruit on the palate that it hides the alcohol well, making it approachable yet potent.

If the whole “let’s get pissed” and see where we end up thing is not your modus operandi than my second approach to this topic would be to woo the person or persons in question with charm, beauty and intelligence.

For this you need a different animal altogether.

I suggest either Pinot Noir or Barbaresco (Nebbiolo.)

Pinot Noir, preferably from Sonoma Coast or Santa Barbara if you want to stay in California, can be complex with an herb or spiced nose, bright cherry on the palate with a hint of cola a zing of acid, yet a fullness of fruit with a sparkle of earth on occasion for good measure.

Au Bon Climat is consistently fabulous for Pinot Noir as well as Foxen and Longoria.

Whomever you’re trying to impress will surely be just that, impressed, with your ability to pick such a refined and beautiful wine.

Take this mentality one step further with Barbaresco.

Nebbiolo is most commonly on the shelves from Barolo, Barbaresco, or Langhe. All of which are from Piemonte (Piedmont), Italy.

If you busted out a Barbaresco. Gave a poetic diatribe about how Italians consider wine from this area to be the queen of all wines on account of the bouquet of dried rose petals, the softer more approachable tannins with a slightly more pronounced fruit palate and hint of dust and brick (unlike the king of wines, Barolo, which is a more aggressive beast.) I’m certain that your chances of enamoring the other person with your wit suddenly went through the roof.

*side note from the author: Do not under any circumstances act like a know it all, rather approach the subject with a sort of poetry that is easy to achieve with soft tones and a glass of wine.

I like to encourage people to use their own charm to win that special someone, but I don’t begrudge anyone for using a few bits of knowledge to make that a possibility.

Enjoy your wine and by all means enjoy it with someone else whenever possible.

I’ve compiled a short list with simple explanations for some facts that can impress people:

What are the 5 red varietals allowed by French law in Bordeaux wine?

Cabernet Franc, Cabernet Sauvignon, Merlot, Petit Verdot, Malbec and a sixth almost never used varietal.. Carménère
What two parent grapes gave way to Cabernet Sauvignon?

Cabernet Franc and Sauvignon Blanc (its easy to remember too because its in the name)

Champagne vs. Sparkling wine
Champagne is only from the region of Champagne, France. Everything else is called sparkling wine (or can have another pseudonym such as Cava from Spain or Prosecco from Italy)

Barolo and Barbaresco are regions in Italy that use only the Nebbiolo grape in their DOCG approved reds

Syrah and Shiraz are genetically the same exact grape as are Zinfandel and Primativo

Parts of California and Chile have almost the exact same growing conditions, but opposite seasons

Basic rule of thumb when picking a wine
If you want a lighter California red then pick a coastal wine (Central or Sonoma Coast for example)
If you want a big fruit driven wine go for Napa

Red grapes can also make white wine such as Pinot Noir and Pinot Meunier which are used in most any Champagne (unless it says Blanc de Blanc which denotes only Chardonnay being used)

Decanting is done when you want to remove sediment (typically an aged wine or one that is unfiltered) and when you want to soften an aggressive or new red wine by introducing air (oxygenating)

Wines from California, by law, can be up to 25% of a different grape varietal or year than is stated on the label

The higher the acidity in a grape the lower the Brix (sugar) and vice versa. The more sugar a grape has at time of harvest, the more alcohol it will have after fermentation

New World wines typically include the Americas, Australia, New Zealand and others. These wines are generally bigger fruitier wines with higher alcohol

Old World wines are from France and Italy (among others) and tend to be higher acid and more earthy in nose and palate

I’ve had my years of affluence and my years of absolute poverty. Strangely enough some of the most relaxing, peaceful, blissed out times I’ve had were when I had only the change in my pocket to my name.

I had one year when I first moved to San Francisco where I reported a total of $15,000 for the year. I would cut coupons, make one pot of pasta for the week, and buy really bad wine in an effort to save money.

One time it was a gorgeous day..

Side note: As soon as I finish this post. I am rewarding myself with a picnic (a glass or two of wine is definitely on the menu) in this early spring 80 degree weather we are experiencing in the city.

..so it was a gorgeous day not unlike today, and all I wanted was to enjoy some white wine on the front steps with a book.

I had about two dollars and the local mart’s decent white was eight.

So, to make up the difference. I held a sidewalk sale. I took some clothing, some DVDs, and some books to the street and sold them at a buck or two a piece. With each passerby I said I was only out until I had enough for my bottle of wine. About three random and entertaining conversations later I packed it all up and quaffed a cheap Pinot Grigio on the steps of my flat whilst reading a fantasy novel in the sun.

It was glorious.

I think back on that memory with a smile and a humbling sense of self respect for my ability to enjoy even an inexpensive bottle of wine.

This post goes to those starving students, the new families, the struggling artists and those who like to save money. Almost everyone has, is or will be there at one point or another in their life, and I want to tell you about wines that will make you feel like you are living above your means even if you aren’t.

Perhaps my absolute favorite winery for consistent amazing quality and for being so damned cheap is Viu Manent.

Its a Chilean winery from the Colchagua Valley. Their wines are more often found at liquor stores and real food stores than chain grocery stores.

I’ve found that year to year every varietal is fabulous for the price and always inexpensive. They are generally found between $6 and $9 line priced.

I’ve included the tasting notes they provided on their entry level Malbec to give you an idea.

Tasting Notes
Intensely violet in colour, on the nose this wine exhibits classic Malbec notes of blueberry, black cherry and spices. In the mouth lush flavours of plum and blackberry, combined with notes of chocolate and Coffe Mock. A fresh acidity and soft tannins combine to give a long, elegant finish.

Vineyard
Sourced from our San Carlos and El Olivar Estates, both located in the Colchagua Valley. Harvested from Malbec vines with an average age of 15 years.

Their second tier wines are called Secreto, because the %25 blend of varietals they use in combination with the varietal on the label is a secret.

The Secreto wines are of a higher quality, but also of a higher price. They tend to be between $9 and $13.

Gallo (infamous for their monopolistic tactics and crappy wine) has the buying power to give a decent product for a price that’s dirt cheap. I have consumed a few bottles of their $3.99 Pinot Grigio.

I’ve found that the safest bet for wine that tastes good and won’t put you out for more than some of your change jar is Pinot Grigio (also called Pinot Gris.)

If you purchase Italian Pinot Grigio than it’ll be crisp and clean, occasionally with a hint of sour. California on the other hand tends to be softer and with more tropical fruit flavors on the palate.

Planet Wine is a wine distributor/negociant. They import wine from France (predominantly), and sell it to grocery stores and wine shops directly. This cuts out the middle man giving you a large savings. Add to that an ability to chose delicious wines, and viola bargain city.

One of my faves is Ortas, Cave de Rasteau, Côtes du Rhône. Its a blend of Grenache, Syrah and Mourvèdre, and runs for around $11. While being fruit forward, it still retains a nice balance of acidity and earth making it oh so good.

To wrap up this excerpt from my repertoire of wines. I give you Yellow Tail Tree-Free Chardonnay. For about six dollars the tree free (unoaked) version of their Chardonnay is a brilliant deal. Clean and bright it goes against the entire line of Yellow Tail.

Me advocating my love of this steal of a deal by no means endorses the rest of the Yellow Tail flavors! Its an anomaly, a paradigm, a bastion of goodness amongst a rubble of self loathing. Okay I’m exaggerating, but it is quite good for the price.

Rest well this eve, drink unabashedly, and glow in your ability to drink like a king (or at least a ragamuffin king)

- Jonathan Hood

A few years ago I went to a restaurant called Dans le Noir?. This was a unique experience for so many reasons. The restaurant was in Paris on a little alley called Quincampoix not 50 yards from the Musée National d’Art Moderne.

The premise was that the entire eating experience would be done without the sense of sight. The dining area was behind a double curtain that did not allow any light to pass into the room.

A blind server had you put a hand on her shoulder to lead you to your seat, told you how to fill your water cup (using your finger to gauge the fullness of the cup), and then instructed you to call her name if you became claustrophobic or frightened.

I had the option of knowing what I was eating and drinking, or I could go at it blind. I chose the later.

It was nearly overwhelming especially if you add the fact that everyone was speaking French around me. I actually don’t remember how well I did on recognizing the wine, but I didn’t guess any of the food correctly.

It was by far the single most challenging wine tasting experience I’ve had to date.

When a wine taster or sommelier says they blind tasted wine. They aren’t usually wearing a blindfold. They are merely blind to the wine label so to speak. They put the wine in a glass without knowing where the wine came from, what grape it is made from and who made it.

This is done for different reasons. One purpose might be to challenge their senses and knowledge in an effort to hone their skills. Repeat studying without preconceived notions helps your mind come up with decisions on its own rather then going in with the answer before hand.

Another reason is to let the wine speak for itself. When a tasting panel is trying to score a wine they may taste blind so they won’t be partial to one wine or another based on previous scores or favoritism.

Sometimes the reason is they were given multiple glasses of wine to identify because a server forgot which was which.

When trying to identify a wine one uses sight, touch, smell and taste.

What color it is is a helpful indicator if the wine is Pinot Noir or Nebbiolo, because they are almost always much lighter. If the wine smells like ortega chilis then it could very well be a Marlborough, New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc.

As usual just have fun with it and enjoy the wine.

Or as it was put “Inexpensive tasty wines for the grad student! That can be found anywere?…say Texas ”

I decided to skip my usually playful banter and just go over a ton of wine that can be found for only a modicum of ducats..

Its typically far easier to find an easy drinking inexpensive white than a red because the reds tend to be overblown fruit bombs without much character.

I’m going to give wine suggestions from the shelves of Safeway grocery stores and BevMo. Although not everyone has access to these stores, the brands they carry just about everyone else does as well.

Barefoot Cellars Sauvignon Blanc is a consistently good white.

It is a classic California style with lots of gooseberry and fresh cut grass on the nose.

Bright acidity makes this a nice wine to pair with Asian food. It helps cleanse the palate between bites giving you a sort of reset button to experience your food anew.

At $5.49 to $5.99 its a great way to enjoy a glass or four without breaking the bank.

I also really like the Barefoot Bubbly Pinot Grigio for mimosas (or throw in a bit of pomegranate juice.) It has a really persistent effervescence and a crisp vibrant palate. $8.99

If you like a hint of sweetness and a floral nose, The Barefoot Bubbly Pink Moscato rose at $6.99

Dry Creek Fume Blanc (Sauvignon Blanc) is dynamite for $8.99 to $9.99.

They use all their own fruit and have been making fabulous bargain wine for ages. Its bright and fresh yet gentle. Not as aggressive as the Barefoot this wine is really approachable.

Clos La Chance Monterey County Chardonnay $6.99.

Typically this label’s wines are in the $20 range, but this Monterey they produced more so its a bit of a steal. Unoaked and bright, this wine is loaded with apple, honey, pear and citrus on the palate. It over sells itself.

Husch Mendocino Chardonnay is a nice go between.

Its $12.99 at Safeway and $13.99 at BevMo, but drinks like a $20 wine. Its got medium body yet still fresh on the palate. A touch of oak to make it a crowd-pleaser for those who don’t know what they want or the mixed group party.

Now on to some red picks.

If you like a fruit driven wine that has a touch of spice and tastes like boysenberry jam then any Zinfandel from Dry Creek, CA should do the trick.

Two consistently low priced Zinfandels are Bogle Vineyard Old Vine Zinfandel ($8.99) and Cline California Zinfandel ($8.99/$9.99)

Pinot Noirs are a bit trickier. It is a finicky grape, and it can be quite difficult to find inexpensive good Pinot.

Beaulieu Vineyards, BV for short, coastal Pinot Noir is not too bad for only $6.99-$7.99. Soft and easily quaffed, this Pinot is about as complex as a $7 wine can get.

If you don’t mind spending double then the Carmel Road Monterey Pinot Noir ($14.99-15.99) is perhaps your best bet at achieving a glorious inexpensive Pinot.

Its balanced in both acidity and body. Light spice on the nose with a red cherry and red plum palate. The finish lingers in a pleasantly reflective way.

Cabernet Sauvignon is the most common wine paired with steak and often the most boring of the cheap wines. I found two that won’t disappoint.

Ravenswood Vintners Blend Cabernet Sauvignon ($8.99)

Medium bodied and certain to be liked. This wine aims to not wow anyone but instead be nice and easily drunk.

If you want a rather more aggressive ripe fruit with smooth tannins Cabernet. Then I suggest trying the Root:1 Cabernet Sauvignon. At $9.99 you won’t find a better deal this side of the equator.

I’ll go over some more bargains next week. Until then enjoy these.

There I was. In the dark. In my bed.

I awoke with a shudder.

There is something in the room with me.

Fear grips me. I can sense it close. I can even hear its heart beat. Thump thump thump.

I dare not move. Straining my eyes as if I will suddenly be able to see with but a hint of light.

Thump thump thump.

How close must it be that I can hear its heart beating.

Movement? The pace of the heart quickens. Thump thump thump.

A shiver creeps up my arm.

I can’t take it any more. If it means me ill so be it!

With a jump I try for the light.

Caught in my covers I tumble to the ground.

Thump thump thump.

I scream and scramble to the switch.

With a flip, light floods the room.

Thump thump thump.

The heart…

was my own.

Speaking of heart I wanted to share an excerpt from a Food & Wine article about the benefits of wine drinking

“The Benefit: Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

The Evidence: Red-wine tannins contain procyanidins, which protect against heart disease. Wines from Sardinia and southwest France have more procyanidins than other wines. Source: a study at Queen Mary University in London, published in Nature, 2006.

The Benefit: Reduces Heart-Attack Risk

The Evidence: Moderate drinkers suffering from high blood pressure are 30 percent less likely to have a heart attack than nondrinkers. Source: a 16-year Harvard School of Public Health study of 11,711 men, published in the Annals of Internal Medicine, 2007.

The Benefit: Promotes Longevity

The Evidence: Wine drinkers have a 34 percent lower mortality rate than beer or spirits drinkers. Source: a Finnish study of 2,468 men over a 29-year period, published in the Journals of Gerontology, 2007.

The Benefit: Reduces Risk of Type 2 Diabetes

The Evidence: Moderate drinkers have 30 percent less risk than nondrinkers of developing type 2 diabetes. Source: research on 369,862 individuals studied over an average of 12 years each, at Amsterdam’s VU University Medical Center, published in Diabetes Care, 2005.

The Benefit: Lowers Risk of Stroke

The Evidence: The possibility of suffering a blood clot–related stroke drops by about 50 percent in people who consume moderate amounts of alcohol. Source: a Columbia University study of 3,176 individuals over an eight-year period, published in Stroke, 2006.

The Benefit: Cuts Risk of Cataracts

The Evidence: Moderate drinkers are 32 percent less likely to get cataracts than nondrinkers; those who consume wine are 43 percent less likely to develop cataracts than those drinking mainly beer. Source: a study of 1,379 individuals in Iceland, published in Nature, 2003.

The Benefit: Cuts Risk of Colon Cancer

The Evidence: Moderate consumption of wine (especially red) cuts the risk of colon cancer by 45 percent. Source: a Stony Brook University study of 2,291 individuals over a four-year period, published in the American Journal of Gastroenterology, 2005.

The Benefit: Slows Brain Decline

The Evidence: Brain function declines at a markedly faster rate in nondrinkers than in moderate drinkers. Source: a Columbia University study of 1,416 people, published in Neuroepidemiology, 2006.”

- Food & Wine ’8 Health Benefits of Drinking Wine’  By Christine Quinlan

Its a beautiful thing

I was asked to teach a class two Sundays from now, and was trying to decide what I would go over.

Where does one begin when just being introduced to wine? I asked myself a few questions that I asked when I first started. I’m going to tease you with answers now, but if you are in San Francisco on the 18th I will go into far more detail at the class. One thing we will be doing in particular is tasting various Chardonnays to compare the different styles. Crisp and clean vs. Oaky buttery.

Red and White wines. What are the differences between them?

Red wines are typically built for longevity with tannins that help keep them fresh over the long haul. White wines are more made to be consumed young.

Old World vs. New World.

Old World are the old countries that have been making in the same manner for ages and have a decidedly different approach to wine making then countries like USA and Australia. The United States tends to want big fruit forward wine with a drink now mentality, whereas France and Italy tend to lean towards earthy, higher acid and better aging wines.

How does grape juice become wine?

The sugar in the juice gets converted into alcohol by yeast

What makes a Chardonnay buttery?

A bacterial process that converts malic acid into a creamier lactic acid.

What is “corked” wine?

A wine contaminated and spoiled by a compound called 2,4,6 trichloranisole  (TCA for short.) It has a wet, moldy, cellar smell.

Why does one decant?

Three main reasons (there are others). 1. There is sediment in the bottle from extended aging, and you wish to remove the sediment. 2. The wine is young and you need to add oxygen to the wine to soften the wine. 3. You have no idea what decanting does, but it totally makes you look cool and in the know.

What is terroir?

The word terroir is derived from terre (land in French,) and is used to describe a specific vineyard site that has a unique ecosystem of land and weather.

Why is wine so fricken cool?

Soooo many reasons its ridiculous.

You can impress a date for one. I’ve saved many people from making a horrible wine choice because of my knowledge of wine. If you can get the basics down you can make an educated decision as opposed to which label looks prettiest.

It brings a meal to new heights if paired well.

It promotes conversation and takes the unease out of the air.

I love it.

I went to Paris not too long ago. I took a train for a day trip to Epernay, in the heart of Champagne, and then cabbed it to Ay to see Gosset (the oldest wine house in Champagne). I enjoyed the small town and the history there. It had that small village feel with little cobblestone bridges over small rivers that twisted this way and that.

I opted to walk from Gosset rather than have a cab called, because I thought I’d grab a bite on the way back to the train station. It was a considerable hike and I was told more than once that the restaurant was not accommodating any more patrons. Finally, I was able to procure a delicious nicoise salad at a pub by the station.

When my time in Paris was through I flew to Nice for two nights. I enjoyed the raw feeling of the city. It wasn’t picture book like Paris. Paris was and still is my grown up Disneyland.

In Nice the grocery store charged .05 euro per grocery bag and made you weigh and label all your produce. Every bottle of wine was priced between 2 and 15 euros, and tasted remarkably similar regardless of how much you spent. They have an amazing candy shop called Confiserie Florian there that specialized in crystallizing tiny tangerines over a month process.

I decided to go up the coastal road to Monte Carlo for a bit of gambling and wine.

I stayed a night at the Hotel de Paris, and at 570 euro it was a touch expensive. While I was there however it felt cheap. In preparation for my night out I drank a bottle of bubbles before I left to the Casino de Monte Carlo.

I’m a huge fan of English Roulette, and sitting at the table I loved hearing “Faites vos jeux” (“Place your bets”.) Just as the wheel started to slow I slid 30 euros of my own marker chips (There can only be nine seated players and each gets their own color chips. I chose blue of course.) over black 20.  Then the croupier announced “Rien ne va plus” (“No more bets”), and the ball slowly ticked its way into black 20.

After I had won more than enough for my nights stay I decided that fate was smiling on me, but I didn’t want to push it. I proceeded to cash in my chips and leave the table when I was grabbed by the arm. Upon turning to see what had caused such an unexpected jostling. I discovered a suspicious looking individual clinging to my bicep.

The stern look in his eyes allowed me to let him pull me aside for what appeared to be a serious discussion.

“What is this about,” I asked.

“I have received information that you are to attend a wine tasting in San Francisco immediately after your trip to Barolo, Piemonte in Italy.” He said with a thick Russian accent which only filled me with more suspicion.

“Um.. Yes, but how could you..”

“That is not important. I need you to give Sergio from Ettore Germano this envelope. Unopened!”

I saw the threat in his eyes and knew that if he was this aware of my travel plans. I was in no position to refuse or negotiate. I put the white envelope in my suit jacket and tried to forget about it.

I made it to Ettore Germano (a vineyard/bed & breakfast) in Serralunga d’ Alba (Barolo, Piemonte,) without incident. Sergio and his wife were pleasant giving me their undivided attention. Breakfast when I awoke and barrel tastings in the afternoon.

The second day in I finally got up the courage to give the envelope to Sergio. His face paled and he yelled at me with spittle flying from his lips. “Where did you get this!?!”

I told him the whole story.

He apologized for his outburst and disappeared. A few minutes later with partially regained composure he reappeared and slid across the table a blue envelope.

“It’s a matter of life and death. I must ask that you give this to the man representing my vineyard at the tasting you will be attending in San Francisco in three days.”

I took the new envelope and carried it with me through airport security. My paranoia was at its highest just before I made it through customs after touch down in SFO.

I raced through the airport and out to ground transport. I caught the first cab I saw and paid extra to have the cabby speed by traffic, wait for me to drop off my stuff and then take me to Fort Mason for the tasting.

I streamlined it to the Ettore Germano booth and handed this mysterious blue envelope, that might as well have been plutonium for how I felt, to the vineyard representative.

His eyes went wide and without a word he ran away leaving his table vacant. I never found what it was that made the contents so earth shattering, but while he was gone I got to taste an amazing Barolo that he had left behind.

The 2003 Lazzarito vineyard Riserva. It was a hot year with tremendous ripeness..  impressively deep flavors of red fruits, red licorice and menthol. Finishes long and lush, with broad, dusty tannins. There is an almost candied ripeness to the red fruit flavors here, but the wine’s powerful structure restrains its sweetness.

..and it was delicious

When I first started drinking wine I didn’t like it at all. I took a sip with meals trying to understand where people got their desire to drink wine. I tried wine with every meal in an attempt to find what people enjoyed about it. I had decided to like it regardless of how long it took.

I kept taking sips until I enjoyed the drinking of it.

I then enjoyed the differences I was able to detect in wines.

When I was able to tell some of the grape varietals just by taste, aroma and sight I was flabbergasted.

I still have a difficult time identifying mixed varietals and grapes that I haven’t tasted multiple times, but I enjoy noticing the minor differences in grapes and where they were grown.

In wine tasting circles one approaches the wine with a set of observations.

It begins with sight. You look at the wine to see the color variations of it and whether it changes at the rim of the glass. If the wine goes from ruby to orange then you know that the wine has a bit of age to it. One also looks at whether the wine is cloudy or clear. If it is cloudy it more often then not is unfiltered and shows the style of wine making.

Then assessing aroma gives more of the mystery light. What are the fruits that you smell? What are the earth tones or spices that you might be reminded of?

Everyone’s take may be different, but some similarities usually exist between the different perceptions.

When tasting the wine I like to see what aromas translate to the palate. By that I mean what did you smell that you now also taste?

I like to identify what is different in aroma versus taste, but I also like to feel the weight on the tongue. If it feels heavy in the mouth you would say it has a lot of body.

If the wine makes your salivary glands active and your cheeks pucker then the acid in the wine is prevalent.

The finish of the wine is by name the last thing you think about. I think its of greatest import seeing as how its what you’re left with. A good wine will last for a long time on your taste buds and in your memory.

What made me enjoy wine more was the quest to recognize why I liked one more than another.

Port (fortified wine from Portugal) has long been an after dinner drink shared with cigars, fruit, cheese, chocolate, and friends.

In the Douro region of Portugal wine is fortified with a neutral grape spirit called aguardiente which stops the fermentation, gives the alcohol level a boost, increases longevity, and leaves a bit of sweetness to the wine.

Aguardiente always reminds me of part of a mariachi song…

“Me gustan tomar mis copas
Aguardiente es lo mejor
Tambien la tequila blanca
Con su sal le da sabor”

“It pleases me to drink my cups (drinks)
Brandy is the best
Also the white tequila
With salt for flavor”

The basics are as follows:

Port is from Portugal

All commercially available Port is made from a blend of different grapes of which over a hundred are allowed (including Bastardo or Bastard. Sorry, totally got a kick out of that), but the top five that are used are Tinta Barroca, Tinta Cão, Tinta Roriz (Tempranillo), Touriga Francesa, and Touriga Nacional.

Most wine is typically 12 to 17% alcohol. Because of the brandy fortification, Port reaches upwards of 20%.

Port (Porto) is the third oldest (established/protected) wine region in the world next to Tokaj in Hungary and Chianti in Italy.

19th century Ports have still been known to be amazing if drunk today.

Ports are best if drunk within a week, but can last a considerable length of time after opening due to the higher alcohol content and barrel aging.

I enjoy port especially with dark chocolate, and considering how little a bottle of port goes for despite the age some of them have. I find them to be a steal.

Enjoy a little something sweet to drink next time you have a good meal.

- Jonathan Hood